Fri Jun 4 1999

The Metaphor Machine

New ingredients for modern poetry, from Kbert Industries!!

The Surprise Metaphor fits into any circumstance, and expresses any notion or emotion as required. How? BECAUSE YOU MAKE IT !!

Here's an example.

Tedious Tom is writing a snippet of modern poetry thus:

                I drive my Volkswagen
                On bitter streets
                And dirty passageways
                But noone hears me
                My engine.

etc. etc.

Now he wishes to spice it up a bit, so he picks up his patented Kbert Industries Metaphor Machine, presses the ergonomic "Metaphor" button and out pops the following Surprise Metaphor:

Tennis is a foreign monkey.

Perfect! Now Tom winds this metaphor into his poem as he sees fit:

                I arrive for a game
                        of tennis;
                But cannot win
                Because, as I now find ,
                Tennis is a monkey,
                        which is
                Oh so foreign.

Best of all, noone will ever know that this thought-provoking metaphor was actually created by the Kbert Industries Metaphor Machine.

Order yours now before they get bored and stop bathing, or get themselves into wierd drugs or desktop publishing or some shit like that. Sure it looks like grandpa's wireless but that doesn't stop it getting all fucked up inside.

Copyright © 1995-2010 Conrad Parker <>. Last modified Tue Feb 19 2002