- Gain muscular control of my colon
- Visit all the world's flamingo victims, over 3 million of them
- Learn to urinate better
- Start a global cult, encasing stuff in cheese (eg. buildings)
- Vacuum the Taj Mahal with my tongue
- Ice skate through the sahara, towed by shaved huskies
- Innoculate Nigeria
- Innoculate my navel
- Reinvent porrige (in a contemporary context)
- Become one with the boab [tree]
- Vomit profusely in the company of statesmen
- Dye my hair the same colour as everyone else's
NB. _everyone_ else's
- Eat the pope.
- Avoid silly music
- Avoid the earworm (for the earworm hears your thoughts)
- Massage what can't be seen
- Massage what can't be known
- Massage the curious (for they shall inhibit the Earth)
- Belly-flop in a brewer (and live to tell the tale)
- Discuss Shakespeare with village idiots
- Collect beetles near a furnace
- Forage every once in a while
- Kick habits before they begin
- Eat salads consisting solely of Gin
- Learn to ride antelopes
- Learn to grow horns
- Leverage kingsmen who kill their first born
- Pluck Mr. Cassowary
- Douse me in jeer
- Wire up canaries to sing off key;
- Imbibe every once in a while, it's not fun
- Rip off your armpits and dance on your bum
- Insure napalm victims against fire and famine
- Bust open a spy ring with a chisel and hammer, and
- every time someone crosses the #@&%^!~ ROAD half a block
down from a pedestrian crossing, report them to the correct
- (a). Authority.
- Morris Minors; Ancient Titans; Voltron.
- Something to do with cling film and musk rats
- Decide on plaid
- Document erogenous zones in reptiles and insects
- Hang out with Gorillas and dine on pansy zoologists who
think its #$&^%# spiritual or something.
- Climb the worlds tallest buildings using superglue; quickly.
- Do children's puppetry with body parts
- Floss someone else's teeth, every night
- Live in a whale for a while
- Rip off modern art galleries, selling them stuff found in
- Design table napkins, zealously.
- Set up a crappy web site about myself, and charge people to
- Film politicians screwing their spouses; send the tapes to
the tabloids and tell them its scandal
- Harass bikies about their hair (I love your hair)
- Sell small arms made of play-doh to guerillas
- Donate bananas to Chile
Copyright © 1995-2010 Conrad Parker <email@example.com>.
Last modified Tue Feb 19 2002