Sat Oct 30 1999

Pants off, it's summer!

... and then we decided that if sand was EDIBLE there'd never be a shortage of gritty tourists. Each wades down to the 'seaside' -- if wading is really an adequate word to describe three hundred pounds of grossly animated punching bag -- and descends into the midst of breaking waves.

Meanwhile the lifeguards wax each others surfboards and compare bikini lines. It's been getting quiet down here since they banned the shooting of seagulls; must be like that serenity thing. I'd recommend bringing the kids down if it wasn't for the radiation -- you can lie down here and get both sides tanned at once. And what a tan! your ultra-conservative parents never knew a tan like it, but then again they wore clothes.

After a lazy ten minutes or so at the beach we head up to the Kujibay for some steak. They slice it off the tree right in front of you, and you cook it on a uranium grill. Wow, you should see some of the idiots who try to cook their own steak! they cover the thing in kudzu paste before they put it on the grill, and of course the kud boils up and sears their face and they run away screaming for a few minutes. It's fun to watch them though.

Well, I must dash. Pants inspector is coming round in a few minutes and I'd better make sure I'm not wearing any.


Copyright © 1995-2010 Conrad Parker <>. Last modified Tue Feb 19 2002