1. Gain muscular control of my colon
  2. Visit all the world's flamingo victims, over 3 million of them [estimate].
  3. Learn to urinate better
  4. Start a global cult, encasing stuff in cheese (eg. buildings)
  5. Vacuum the Taj Mahal with my tongue
  6. Ice skate through the sahara, towed by shaved huskies
  7. Innoculate Nigeria
  8. Innoculate my navel
  9. Reinvent porrige (in a contemporary context)
  10. Become one with the boab [tree]
  11. Vomit profusely in the company of statesmen
  12. Dye my hair the same colour as everyone else's
    NB. _everyone_ else's
  13. Eat the pope.
  14. Avoid silly music
  15. Avoid the earworm (for the earworm hears your thoughts)
  16. Massage what can't be seen
  17. Massage what can't be known
  18. Massage the curious (for they shall inhibit the Earth)
  19. Belly-flop in a brewer (and live to tell the tale)
  20. Discuss Shakespeare with village idiots
  21. Collect beetles near a furnace
  22. Forage every once in a while
  23. Kick habits before they begin
  24. Eat salads consisting solely of Gin
  25. Learn to ride antelopes
  26. Learn to grow horns
  27. Leverage kingsmen who kill their first born
  28. Pluck Mr. Cassowary
  29. Douse me in jeer
  30. Wire up canaries to sing off key;
  31. Imbibe every once in a while, it's not fun
  32. Rip off your armpits and dance on your bum
  33. Insure napalm victims against fire and famine
  34. Bust open a spy ring with a chisel and hammer, and
  35. every time someone crosses the #@&%^!~ ROAD half a block down from a pedestrian crossing, report them to the correct
  36. (a). Authority.
  37. Morris Minors; Ancient Titans; Voltron.
  38. Something to do with cling film and musk rats
  39. Decide on plaid
  40. Document erogenous zones in reptiles and insects
  41. Hang out with Gorillas and dine on pansy zoologists who think its #$&^%# spiritual or something.
  42. Climb the worlds tallest buildings using superglue; quickly.
  43. Do children's puppetry with body parts
  44. Floss someone else's teeth, every night
  45. Live in a whale for a while
  46. Rip off modern art galleries, selling them stuff found in sewers
  47. Design table napkins, zealously.
  48. Set up a crappy web site about myself, and charge people to view it.
  49. Film politicians screwing their spouses; send the tapes to the tabloids and tell them its scandal
  50. Harass bikies about their hair (I love your hair)
  51. Sell small arms made of play-doh to guerillas
  52. Donate bananas to Chile
  53. Discuss.


Copyright © 1995-2010 Conrad Parker <conrad@vergenet.net>. Last modified Tue Feb 19 2002